Edge of a cliff

Have you ever felt like you were on the edge of a cliff barely hanging on or that the next step you’ll surely fall to your death?  Sometimes in life when we get pushed to the end we have two choices: Fight like hell to stand our ground or just jump.  The scariest thing to do is to just let go and jump! But sometimes that is exactly what we need to do.  Often standing our ground where we are and fighting with everything we got even when things are not working is based on our ego.  The ego hates change the ego wants to be in control and we as human beings love the facade of being in control with everything in our lives.  Often the people that are the most ego driven believe they are in control of everything. (GUILTY)

We find comfort in the facade that everything is under their control.  The truth is in life we have very little control over anything. There are two things we have control over: Ourselves and our reaction to others that is it!!  No matter how much we believe differently the sooner we recognize this fact and accept it as part of our lives the better off we are moving forward.  So much disappointment in our lives comes from life seeming to just fall apart.  That feeling of true helplessness is because we created the illusion that we were in control of everything when truly we were not and it's terrifying. 

Taking that leap, letting go and believing that you can fly, is one of the hardest things we can do in our life but not doing it can lead to much more pain and disappointment than if you actually jumped.  Sure there is no guarantee that things will work out.  But by letting go you give yourself a chance, stop fighting the world and then questioning why things continue to be difficult or that bad things continue to happen.  Remember God/universe gives back to us what we put out there.  If all we are putting out there is fighting, pain and disappointment, God/universe will give us more the same.

I am not typically one to ask for help because of my ego/ pride. I want to tell myself that I have everything under control but a month ago I was really scared... Scared is not a word I use loosely but I was scared out of my mind. I decided then that things in my life and the way I was going about holding onto pain, resentment, sadness, and much more needed to change. I decided to was time to fly. I jumped into counseling and haven't stopped since. Each time I go I learn something new about myself. I've started living in the moment and not in the past. I've forgiven myself and also forgiven others because I now know that not letting go of the past is only harming myself and not allowing myself the peace I deserve. 

I used to believe that I wasn't worthy of love and pure happiness from others who were willing to give me that gift but most of all I didn't believe I deserved to give that gift to myself but you know what? I do. It's been there all along, tucked away in a dark cloud deep down. I've been on this journey for 5 weeks now and I am feeling lighter, beautiful, stronger, and loving myself more each day. The journey isn't ending here, it will be a life long journey of learning, forgiving, letting go, giving myself fully to those that I love and not holding back out of fear. 5 weeks, it's been tough and a hard pill to swallow but a beautiful awakening which I am so incredibly thankful for. I don't believe I have ever told myself that I am proud of myself. Life has thrown me some major curve balls but here I stand. So, I am pretty proud of myself and that alone makes me smile.  

Take a chance, let go and learn to fly!