Stepping up

Brand New Day by Skilyr Hicks

There is nothing that requires more courage than an intimate relationship. This is the space where my deepest fears and insecurities rise to the surface, making it even more difficult to give myself completely to another. Because to be truly vulnerable with another, I have to open up. That can be absolutely terrifying! So, rather than diving right in and swimming in the deep end, most live their lives on the surface.

But the truth is, where your relationship is stems directly from where you are. It’s easy to be distracted and to blame our partners or external events. But if you want to create real, lasting change in your relationship and achieve a level of intimacy and passion and connection that you’ve always dreamed about – then you have to look within. It starts with yourself, and it starts by stepping into your pain.

Stepping into my pain means facing my fears head on, which to be honest I have never been great at. It means immersing myself in them, rather than avoiding or even denying them altogether, which most tend to do. Yes, it's intimidating, and surely I could think of a thousand things I'd rather do. But by making this decision to step into my pain, I am also making the decision to liberate myself and even to create a new life.

It takes real courage to face your innermost challenges and to be absolutely vulnerable with yourself or anyone at that. But I know when I take the leap, I will be able to grow in ways that I never have before. And, ultimately, I will learn how to connect with myself and loved ones on an even deeper and more meaningful level.

TOTAL COMMITMENT TO THE TRUTH

The first step is to make a total commitment to the truth. I have to be willing to be open-minded and open-hearted. Because this is the only path towards opening up a new sense of awareness.

I ask myself – what are you scared of? Where is your pain and your resistance coming from?

The truth isn’t always easy – it’s not easy to handle and it’s not always easy to find because a lot of us hide it from ourselves. But it’s in that moment of recognizing “I am scared” and then making the decision to follow that fear — that is how real change is made.

Most people are too scared to follow their fears and again I have been one of those. It’s easier to pull back than to dive in. But by taking the first step to acknowledge my fears, my insecurities and my pain – I am creating a new sense of awareness and honesty. And now I will be in a better position to see it and take a more objective perspective.

TWO BIGGEST FEARS

Now that I have committed myself to the truth, I must understand that there are two deep-seated fears that every single human shares. First, there is the fear that you are not enough. Second, there is the fear that you will not be loved. No matter how confident you are, no matter if you are the President of the United States, or the greatest athlete in the world, every single person has these two fears.

How do these two fears manifest in my life? What challenges have they presented for me in my relationships? What are the times I feel alone? What am I scared of? 

Understanding these fundamental fears can help me become more aware of where my pain and insecurities stem from. And I will be better able to see just why I am holding back. Often times, we try to preserve an identity or cling so desperately to rules that we have constructed. We do that because we are scared of life outside those boundaries. I want to take the time to analyze and assess, and become really curious about why I construct these walls.

COURAGE

It’s easy to cling to what we know already. After all, certainty is a fundamental human need. It takes courage to detach and step into your fear. Now, courage doesn’t mean you’re not scared. It actually means you are terrified, but I am going to do it anyway. Remembering, it’s not courage if it’s not hard. 

By using that courage to detach from the familiar and delve into the unknown, I hope to start to wake up. I am going to see the other side of the coin, where I will be so much more. I am going to discover the real me and see how I've been selling myself short all this time. I am going to see how I've been creating the relationships I have been in. And I am going to see how it is entirely within my power to create an extraordinary, magnificent relationship not only with myself but others.

So I am harnessing this courage, make this decision and take the leap. I will learn what it really is to be vulnerable. And I hope I will see what it is to truly experience intimacy with a partner. To stop the doubt and insecurities in their tracks.To be free and liberated. To be myself. And at the end of the day, isn’t that we all yearn for?

Jillian