I have been working with my coach for 2 weeks now, really targeting on the actual thought process for emotions, feelings and actions. You see each one of us is "programmed" in the way we think. It's not always our fault, it can be the way we were brought up, the things that have impacted us in life, trauma, just life in general. So, once we have this thought in our minds we continue to go along with that thought and belief that once we finally have a wake up call we only realize the damage that it has been causing us. It's a HUGE domino effect. This is difficult to do, I will admit but each day I am noticing more and more and able to stop myself when I am feeling a certain way and dig a little deeper and ask myself the "why am I feeling this way? Is this feeling that I have really necessary?" Sometimes I have to meditate about it when I am able to quiet my mind. I am also starting to see the good things in each day rather than picking out the other bullshit.
Which brings me to Lessons from a 7 year old:
My daughter just started 2nd grade and their first homework assignment was a super hero poster where she had to fill out certain questions. She mentioned one of her favorite things to do is go to Camp No Limits which is a camp for kids and teens with limb differences. So, with this homework assignment she was supposed to bring something in to show to the class as well and since her teacher told her no on bringing her hedgehog she asked if she could bring in her prosthetic arm/hand. A prosthetic that she has never worn, especially to school. I agreed and she took it to school.
To explain her prosthetic some, she had her cosmetic hand attached to it when she left but you can take off the glove that looks like skin and unscrew the hand and attach something that looks like a hook but 2 fingers that when you wear the prosthetic is like a backpack that goes around each shoulder (that is way too small and tight on her now) that with a squeezing and releasing of the shoulders can open and close the fingers to grab things.
So, again she hasn't worn it and if she did decide she wants to wear it, she needs to get resized. She took this on Wed. and since she stays with her dad on Wed.'s I don't see her until after work on Thursday. I walked into her daycare and they were on their way to go play outside when I pass her and there she is wearing her prosthetic. I laughed and she did as well and I asked her why she was wearing it and she said she had been wearing it all day and showing people.
She went on to tell me how everyone thought it was really cool and even the kid that hasn't been very nice to her asked to look at it. Well, since just the cosmetic hand was on their she tried taking it off not knowing you need to take the glove off first which requires water to make it easier to slide off. So here she is wearing her prosthetic with just the hand and glove kind of just stuck in the socket because she had managed to unscrew it. I was excited for her because she was excited (domino effect).
We had to stop by the store on the way home and by this time she had taken it off and put it up in her bag but as we are in the store waiting to check out, I happen to look over at her little arm and see that she has used marker to color it red. I asked her what that was all about. "Well...," as Alivia giggled. My friend and I decided to play a joke on a new daycare teacher.... (The cashier and I listened closely) And I went up to her and she didn't know I was wearing my prosthetic and I told her that I hurt my arm and then the teacher started asking what happened and that is where my daughter proceeded to have her friend pull off her arm and Alivia shouted, "there is blood, blood everywhere!!!" Alivia is laughing so hard as she was telling her story that the cashier and I were as well.
Now, you have to know my daughter. She is silly, especially around people she knows but can be very shy more so when it comes to her little arm and trying to cover it up. My daughter told this story with such excitement in front of a cashier she didn't know, pulled a prank on a teacher she didn't really know, wore her prosthetic around all day at school and SHE WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT.
I couldn't stop laughing at my daughter, I was laughing because it was funny but I was also so incredibly proud of her. I made sure to tell her that I was proud of her.
Now, I wasn't having the best day but I wasn't having a horrible day either but I felt myself drifting throughout the day but I made sure that when I picked my daughter up that I was aware and giving her my attention because I know that NO matter what kind of day I am having, that that little girl looks up to me, she needs me, she needs the "best" me that I can give to her. I may not always be 100% for her but that is slowly changing with learning how to be in the moment. I put all of my focus into her and because I did that instead of looking at my phone, just nodding my head, I was able to actually see the joy in her face and that joy was given to me as well.
I'm working hard, it's a process, not always pretty but I LOVE the slow changes that I am seeing and being able to release and receive and share.
Don't forget to Love Yourself.
Jillian
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